Letters to Eric (I)

Dear Eric,
I turn my back for two minutes and when I turn back, you're getting married again? And to a man who couldn't even find gainful employment as shark chum? What are you thinking this time?
I know you've said it's only a civil union, but sweetheart, please, remember your first marriage for a moment. When you married Tania you said you thought the gay thing was just a phase, and after all, you could easily get a divorce if it didn't work out. Seven years later, after Tania had a child, a sex change, and enough plastic surgery that she avoided warm rooms (remember the barbecue when you weren't talking to each other and her face started to melt?), you finally got that divorce.
Think some more about it Eric, please. For all our sakes.

You asked me what would be a good Christmas present for Jacob this year; well I think crutches are probably what he's going to want most. I've been talking to various carers and his grandmother has said that she'll pay for someone to pretend to love him twice a week, which should help his depression out a little. It would be lovely if he could see his mother again, but Tania's a bit scary for adults, let alone small children.

The flowers were lovely, although freeze drying them was a little odd -- was this the new boyfriend's idea? I think you mentioned he's something squelchy in embalming? I put them in the hall, on the side table you like.

I hope we'll be seeing you at Norman's party at the end of the month. Norman said that he's not seen you since you made a pass at his son. We both hope you realise that Norman doesn't care at all, and that no-one blames you for the accident. Please come.

We're glad, of course, that your job is keeping you busy, please tell me some more about what it is that you do when you next write. Unless it's something squelchy in embalming, in which case tell me about the next job you're going to find.

All my love,