*
"Ok, stop ringing the damn phone already. I know it's you Mrs. Harrow. Why are you calling me, insistently, at this ungodly hour of the morning? ...I believe you'll find that most major religions would agree that this is an ungodly of the day, actually. Why don't you call some of them and find out for yours–? ...No. No. Three times no, Mrs. Harrow. What do you want? Why are you calling me? ...Your washing machine doesn't work? Why should I care? ...No, I'm not your landlord. I'm not. I can assure you I'm not, and if I were, I'd be evicting you. Oh dear God, don't start crying. Oh for the love of–"
*
"Good morning, you've reached Data Analytics Marketetic Normalisations, Department of Soft Power and broken cuddly things. Goodbye Mrs. Harrow."
*
"Good morning, you've reached Data Analy–. Oh, it's you again. I thought you'd stopped calling me repeatedly after you finally stopped calling last night. I don't care about your washing machine, Mrs. Harrow. I'm not your landlord, Mrs. Harrow. I'm not related to your landlord either. Where did you get my number from, Mrs. Harrow? What do you mean? Well that can't be right, we're ungooglable. By the way, we've copyrighted that word, just in case. You can sued for even thinking it, if we get wind of it. Where did you get my number from Mrs. Harrow? ...I see. I'm not sure how she would have my number, but I have my suspicions. I'm still not your landlord, Mrs. Harrow. Goodbye Mrs. Harrow. Goodbye. Good–"
*
"Jeronica? What's the problem, you sound... well, you sound almost human. You have a call for me? Yes, of course I sound suspicious, I can only think of one person who might be trying to get to me via you, especially after I spoke to the switchboard. Would this be Mrs. Harrow, by any chance? No! Don't put that harridan through to me! She's got my home number and spent a lot of last night; well, this morning actually! calling me. You know I can't take the phone off the hook at the moment, the Sweden thing... yes, quite. Look, Jeronica, can you do me a favour? Yes, I know I'll repay it fourfold, I haven't forgotten what you're like. Yes. Tell her I died, of a heart-attack, when the phone rang."
*
"Jeronica? Hello again. She started crying? Oh good, that should keep her off the phone for a while. You sound happy... really? You're letting me off the favour bargain? She must have done more than just cry then... hah, I see! What? No, I don't know anything about her washing machine. I think it's broken. Of course I could get it fixed for her, but why should I?"
*
"Hello? Is that Swed–? Mrs. Harrow? I'm dead, Mrs. Harrow, I know you were told."
*
"Hello? Hello? This is a pretty bad line, can you tell me who you are again, and which ministry you work for? Hans? That's not a Swedish ministry... oh, you're calling from there? I didn't think we were doing business with you at the moment though. Oh. Well, if you don't know what I'm talking about then you're probably not supposed to, so I wouldn't worry about it. How can I help you, Hans? ...There is no ordinance disguised as a broken washing machine. No. No. Really, stop it. Mrs. Harrow put you up to this didn't she? She called you up and wouldn't stop until you gave in. Yes. Yes, I've been on the receiving end of her calls as well. No, don't worry about it. Well, do worry about it, but only in a low-key kind of way. Thanks."
*
"Julius? I've got an address for you. ASAP. No, the P does not stand for please, don't be ridiculous."
*
"Mrs. Harrow, I've been expecting your call. Well yes, you've been calling me and people you think can influence me for nearly a week now, haven't you? You were bound to call again, as you've still not got whatever pound of flesh you're after, have you? Yes, yes, I'm well aware you want a replacement washing machine, not a pound of flesh, I was alluding to Shakespeare. I doubt very much he is a gigolo, Mrs. Harrow. No, I'm not replacing the washing machine. No, I'm not your landlord. However, before I hang up one last time, Mrs. Harrow, I'd like you to ask yourself a question. Yes, I realise it may be hard for you, but try anyway. In all the time you've been calling me, and please remember that I've never met you, and you called me first, you've never told me your name."
*
"Julius? Fire at will."
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