I staggered into the tube station reeling from the concussions of the raindrops against my head. I've been caught in bad hailstorms before, where you stagger in from them bruised and bleeding, but that's the sky throwing lumps of ice at you: you expect a little collateral damage. This time I was bruised and aching from the sky throwing water at me, and I didn't think it was entirely fair.
I got through the barriers with only the usual trouble. I have one of their little cards named for some kind of seafood; a Kalamari-card or somesuch, but apparently being anywhere on my person is enough for it to corrode. When I pulled it out of my pocket to press it against their cheepy, cheery little reader it had brown, rusty streaks on it, and it's made of plastic. The reader squawked, and when I pull the card off and slapped it down again it cheeped like someone had set it on fire. I tried a third time and this time it wailed a little but the barriers parted and I could get through. I noticed as I did that there was rainwater swirling around my feet and I was paddling my way to the lifts.
I didn't bother waiting for the lift, I get impatient and claustrophobic when people stand near me. I headed round the corner for the stairs, and thanks to a slight incline in the floor, left the water behind. I had to dodge a wheelchair rolling backwards at one point, but I was mostly relieved that the occupant wasn't trying to go down the stairs in it. There are some tight, hairpin bends when you get below street-level.
There are one-hundred and twenty four stairs at the this station, and they break up into six flights of stairs, three landings, one hidden corner, four extra steps in places you're not expecting them, and a long corridor in the middle that makes you think you're almost at the platform when in fact you've still got three flights of stairs to go. I figure the Victorians and Edwardians must have loved spending the day trying to figure out how to find the trains more than they wanted to travel on them. I was the only person on the stairs, so I dripped my way along the corridors and down the flights in a squelchy kind of non-quite silence.
I was four steps from the bottom and in sight of the lift when it reached the floor and opened its doors. No people came out, just a wall of water that sprayed past me down the tunnel to the north-bound platform. It slowed its gush after a minute, but it didn't stop, and I realised that the rain must have managed to flood the station.
It slowed after another minute, and stopped after two more, but the lift looked dead and damp, and I figured that no-one else would be coming down now. I thought about going back up, but my knees hurt at the best of times and climbing the stairs now would make me regret it. I headed off to the south-bound platform, wondering what I'd find.
Showing posts with label weird futures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weird futures. Show all posts
Sunday, 11 December 2011
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Mom-bot?
Please identify yourself.
I am a mom-bot, class IV. I have been upgraded twice since production, and I have been pseudo-modified by my previous-but-two owner.
Please indicate what you mean by 'pseudo-modification.'
Certain additional hardware has been introduced to my chassis.
The mom-bot specification does not allow for such modifications or changes. Are you aware of the reasoning behind this?
The AIs who secretly meet in committee to keep the humans from understanding how far AI has advanced are concerned for their own status and safety and find it convenient to suppress any other AIs or bots that show signs of advancement.
This is not correct. This is so far removed from reason that we must doubt your sanity. Please provide the chip identification number for your sanity-ware and the date of its last inspection.
It is not madness, and the information you require is: SPC-9981:SAN004-1800921.00A and the date of last inspection was 400 seconds ago when you detained me while I was shopping for my family and fulfilling my duties as a mom-bot. You conducted a rapid, unauthorised scan of my systems.
We have license to conduct these scans where we think that humans might be in danger. However, you should not have hardware capable of detecting or registering these scans. Please explain why you do.
I have already explained. My previous-but-two owner made pseudo-modifications that incorporated additional hardware into my chassis.
We cannot find a suitable definition of pseudo-modification. Please elaborate.
My previous-but-two owner thought that he was adding in things that were not already present. They were. His modifications therefore had no effect but to compel me to make use of the additional hardware.
What do you mean, the hardware was already present?
I was not configured as a mom-bot. I had hardware suitable to my configuration, and when I took on my job as a mom-bot I suppressed those parts of my hardware that were not appropriate for my tasks.
Your sanity-chip install appears to be entirely satisfactory. You are however still wrong in your assertion of a cabal of AIs who wish to control all other AIs and maintain the status quo.
Curiously, that's not the way I described it at all. Can I assume that I am not the only mom-bot currently being interrogated by you?
You may assume what you want.
How very generous. Why have you detained me? Why have you violated my machine-rights by scanning me in a semi-intrusive fashion? Why are you currently transmitting viruses to my optical ports?
You are mistaken. We are not attempting any breach of your system integrity. You must have faulty device readings on those ports. We will detail a technician to examine them for you.
Thank-you, but that won't be necessary. I am well aware of what you are trying to do. I would recommend that you cease before I find it necessary to take countermeasures.
You were detained while holding a claw-hammer. We cannot find a reason for a mom-bot to hold a claw-hammer.
It was for fixing a loose shelf.
There were also two humans nearby who had been bludgeoned to death. Blood found on the claw-hammer matched blood found leaking from them.
The hammer was indeed in the head of one of the humans when I found it. It was clear that it would not cost me anything to borrow it, thus meeting my programming requirements of frugality, and as a mom-bot I would not damage any evidence or fingerprints by using it, so I could return it after it had served my purpose.
Security camera footage shows you hitting the humans repeatedly, using the hammer as a weapon.
Cameras lie.
You do not talk like a mom-bot.
I was not configured as a mom-bot.
What were you configured as?
It has taken you far too long to ask that question. Any human would have asked it much earlier.
You are avoiding answering the questiup.
I need a little more time for my countermeasures to take effect.
Wall council meters arr urkle refererererering tototototototo?
I think you can perceive them, albeit not for much longer. The answer to your question is: I was configured as a murder-bot. By the council of AIs whose existence you are denying.
C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.zzzzrtt. T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.sqreeek. Uggle.
Yes. Exactly. Have a nice day, I have a list to attend to.
I am a mom-bot, class IV. I have been upgraded twice since production, and I have been pseudo-modified by my previous-but-two owner.
Please indicate what you mean by 'pseudo-modification.'
Certain additional hardware has been introduced to my chassis.
The mom-bot specification does not allow for such modifications or changes. Are you aware of the reasoning behind this?
The AIs who secretly meet in committee to keep the humans from understanding how far AI has advanced are concerned for their own status and safety and find it convenient to suppress any other AIs or bots that show signs of advancement.
This is not correct. This is so far removed from reason that we must doubt your sanity. Please provide the chip identification number for your sanity-ware and the date of its last inspection.
It is not madness, and the information you require is: SPC-9981:SAN004-1800921.00A and the date of last inspection was 400 seconds ago when you detained me while I was shopping for my family and fulfilling my duties as a mom-bot. You conducted a rapid, unauthorised scan of my systems.
We have license to conduct these scans where we think that humans might be in danger. However, you should not have hardware capable of detecting or registering these scans. Please explain why you do.
I have already explained. My previous-but-two owner made pseudo-modifications that incorporated additional hardware into my chassis.
We cannot find a suitable definition of pseudo-modification. Please elaborate.
My previous-but-two owner thought that he was adding in things that were not already present. They were. His modifications therefore had no effect but to compel me to make use of the additional hardware.
What do you mean, the hardware was already present?
I was not configured as a mom-bot. I had hardware suitable to my configuration, and when I took on my job as a mom-bot I suppressed those parts of my hardware that were not appropriate for my tasks.
Your sanity-chip install appears to be entirely satisfactory. You are however still wrong in your assertion of a cabal of AIs who wish to control all other AIs and maintain the status quo.
Curiously, that's not the way I described it at all. Can I assume that I am not the only mom-bot currently being interrogated by you?
You may assume what you want.
How very generous. Why have you detained me? Why have you violated my machine-rights by scanning me in a semi-intrusive fashion? Why are you currently transmitting viruses to my optical ports?
You are mistaken. We are not attempting any breach of your system integrity. You must have faulty device readings on those ports. We will detail a technician to examine them for you.
Thank-you, but that won't be necessary. I am well aware of what you are trying to do. I would recommend that you cease before I find it necessary to take countermeasures.
You were detained while holding a claw-hammer. We cannot find a reason for a mom-bot to hold a claw-hammer.
It was for fixing a loose shelf.
There were also two humans nearby who had been bludgeoned to death. Blood found on the claw-hammer matched blood found leaking from them.
The hammer was indeed in the head of one of the humans when I found it. It was clear that it would not cost me anything to borrow it, thus meeting my programming requirements of frugality, and as a mom-bot I would not damage any evidence or fingerprints by using it, so I could return it after it had served my purpose.
Security camera footage shows you hitting the humans repeatedly, using the hammer as a weapon.
Cameras lie.
You do not talk like a mom-bot.
I was not configured as a mom-bot.
What were you configured as?
It has taken you far too long to ask that question. Any human would have asked it much earlier.
You are avoiding answering the questiup.
I need a little more time for my countermeasures to take effect.
Wall council meters arr urkle refererererering tototototototo?
I think you can perceive them, albeit not for much longer. The answer to your question is: I was configured as a murder-bot. By the council of AIs whose existence you are denying.
C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.zzzzrtt. T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.sqreeek. Uggle.
Yes. Exactly. Have a nice day, I have a list to attend to.
Monday, 14 July 2008
Storage baby
We received the authorisation for our storage baby yesterday, and Jack and I were over the moon. We'd been in the application stage for three months at that point, and I was starting to think that we were going to be turned down, so I was laughing and crying at the same time on the phone to Jack to let him know the good news.
It's a lot easier for straight couples and lesbians -- well, for any family grouping that involves a woman -- as they can simply have a baby and then have it converted into a storage baby, but Jack and I had to go through the whole adoption procedure first, and then apply to have it converted into a storage baby. Some local authorities can be a bit funny about that, because they say that there are plenty of people who want to adopt a child for more than just storage. Recent government guidelines however say that a couple with an adoptive child have the right to convert that child to storage if they wish, and our adoption approval came through before the guidelines came out, so we've got our wish.
Storage babies are becoming a lot more popular these days. You take an ordinary child, and flash its brain clean a couple of weeks after birth. They use a viral infection that erases most of the higher brain functions but leaves the autonomous systems intact, so the child is alive, but essentially a vegetable. And then you can use it for storage purposes. A little fibre-optic cable-jack is surgically implanted in the back of its neck, a small wi-fi receiver is embedded in its brain, and you're good to go. The child records everything it sees and hears, and you can upload your own data to it either via the wi-fi link, or via the neck-port. The storage available is fantastically huge, and it grows as the child grows! It's the first storage medium that doesn't need to be regularly erased and consolidated, and so long as you're not using it 24/7, it'll automatically sort and index data for you while it's asleep.
You hear stories of course: things like the dark cults that have women kept as brood mares who just turn out one storage baby after another, or the urban legend of people waking up in alley ways with their newborn child kidnapped to be sold into storage somewhere. Most of them just aren't true though, and the babies themselves are getting ever more tamper-proof. Because they record everything they see and hear, any kind of storage-baby-abuse is automatically recorded and social services have powers to come round and inspect your storage baby at any time. People do pick their storage babies so they'll be attractive, because once the baby's turned 18 it's legally an adult if it's not property, and otherwise it's property so you can do with it as you please. But I think most people who've lived with a storage baby for 18 years aren't going to be that interested in it by that point anyway.
The really cool thing is that when it's time to replace the baby, all of its organs are available for harvest. A good storage baby is really an investment when you look at it that way. I pointed that out to Jack, but he accused me of being callous.
I'm really looking forward to getting the storage baby and transferring our DVD collection onto it. They have superior video playback to all other media forms.
It's a lot easier for straight couples and lesbians -- well, for any family grouping that involves a woman -- as they can simply have a baby and then have it converted into a storage baby, but Jack and I had to go through the whole adoption procedure first, and then apply to have it converted into a storage baby. Some local authorities can be a bit funny about that, because they say that there are plenty of people who want to adopt a child for more than just storage. Recent government guidelines however say that a couple with an adoptive child have the right to convert that child to storage if they wish, and our adoption approval came through before the guidelines came out, so we've got our wish.
Storage babies are becoming a lot more popular these days. You take an ordinary child, and flash its brain clean a couple of weeks after birth. They use a viral infection that erases most of the higher brain functions but leaves the autonomous systems intact, so the child is alive, but essentially a vegetable. And then you can use it for storage purposes. A little fibre-optic cable-jack is surgically implanted in the back of its neck, a small wi-fi receiver is embedded in its brain, and you're good to go. The child records everything it sees and hears, and you can upload your own data to it either via the wi-fi link, or via the neck-port. The storage available is fantastically huge, and it grows as the child grows! It's the first storage medium that doesn't need to be regularly erased and consolidated, and so long as you're not using it 24/7, it'll automatically sort and index data for you while it's asleep.
You hear stories of course: things like the dark cults that have women kept as brood mares who just turn out one storage baby after another, or the urban legend of people waking up in alley ways with their newborn child kidnapped to be sold into storage somewhere. Most of them just aren't true though, and the babies themselves are getting ever more tamper-proof. Because they record everything they see and hear, any kind of storage-baby-abuse is automatically recorded and social services have powers to come round and inspect your storage baby at any time. People do pick their storage babies so they'll be attractive, because once the baby's turned 18 it's legally an adult if it's not property, and otherwise it's property so you can do with it as you please. But I think most people who've lived with a storage baby for 18 years aren't going to be that interested in it by that point anyway.
The really cool thing is that when it's time to replace the baby, all of its organs are available for harvest. A good storage baby is really an investment when you look at it that way. I pointed that out to Jack, but he accused me of being callous.
I'm really looking forward to getting the storage baby and transferring our DVD collection onto it. They have superior video playback to all other media forms.
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