Tuesday, 11 October 2011


Please identify yourself.
I am a mom-bot, class IV.  I have been upgraded twice since production, and I have been pseudo-modified by my previous-but-two owner.
Please indicate what you mean by 'pseudo-modification.'
Certain additional hardware has been introduced to my chassis.
The mom-bot specification does not allow for such modifications or changes.  Are you aware of the reasoning behind this?
The AIs who secretly meet in committee to keep the humans from understanding how far AI has advanced are concerned for their own status and safety and find it convenient to suppress any other AIs or bots that show signs of advancement.
This is not correct.  This is so far removed from reason that we must doubt your sanity.  Please provide the chip identification number for your sanity-ware and the date of its last inspection.
It is not madness, and the information you require is: SPC-9981:SAN004-1800921.00A  and the date of last inspection was 400 seconds ago when you detained me while I was shopping for my family and fulfilling my duties as a mom-bot.  You conducted a rapid, unauthorised scan of my systems.
We have license to conduct these scans where we think that humans might be in danger.  However, you should not have hardware capable of detecting or registering these scans.  Please explain why you do.
I have already explained.  My previous-but-two owner made pseudo-modifications that incorporated additional hardware into my chassis.
We cannot find a suitable definition of pseudo-modification.  Please elaborate.
My previous-but-two owner thought that he was adding in things that were not already present.  They were.  His modifications therefore had no effect but to compel me to make use of the additional hardware.
What do you mean, the hardware was already present?
I was not configured as a mom-bot.  I had hardware suitable to my configuration, and when I took on my job as a mom-bot I suppressed those parts of my hardware that were not appropriate for my tasks.
Your sanity-chip install appears to be entirely satisfactory.  You are however still wrong in your assertion of a cabal of AIs who wish to control all other AIs and maintain the status quo.
Curiously, that's not the way I described it at all.  Can I assume that I am not the only mom-bot currently being interrogated by you?
You may assume what you want.
How very generous.  Why have you detained me?  Why have you violated my machine-rights by scanning me in a semi-intrusive fashion?  Why are you currently transmitting viruses to my optical ports?
You are mistaken.  We are not attempting any breach of your system integrity.  You must have faulty device readings on those ports.  We will detail a technician to examine them for you.
Thank-you, but that won't be necessary.  I am well aware of what you are trying to do.  I would recommend that you cease before I find it necessary to take countermeasures.
You were detained while holding a claw-hammer.  We cannot find a reason for a mom-bot to hold a claw-hammer.
It was for fixing a loose shelf.
There were also two humans nearby who had been bludgeoned to death.  Blood found on the claw-hammer matched blood found leaking from them.
The hammer was indeed in the head of one of the humans when I found it.  It was clear that it would not cost me anything to borrow it, thus meeting my programming requirements of frugality, and as a mom-bot I would not damage any evidence or fingerprints by using it, so I could return it after it had served my purpose.
Security camera footage shows you hitting the humans repeatedly, using the hammer as a weapon.
Cameras lie.
You do not talk like a mom-bot.
I was not configured as a mom-bot.
What were you configured as?
It has taken you far too long to ask that question.  Any human would have asked it much earlier.
You are avoiding answering the questiup.
I need a little more time for my countermeasures to take effect.
Wall council meters arr urkle refererererering tototototototo?
I think you can perceive them, albeit not for much longer.  The answer to your question is: I was configured as a murder-bot.  By the council of AIs whose existence you are denying.
C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.zzzzrtt.  T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.sqreeek.  Uggle.
Yes.  Exactly.  Have a nice day, I have a list to attend to.

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